Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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