Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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