i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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