she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
