She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
