I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
