i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize