When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
