So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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