So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
