He told me they were just razor bumps!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
