why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
