Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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