I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
