i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
How's work?
Spinning.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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