Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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