the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
