That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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