I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
