I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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