I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
