That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
