he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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