My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize