ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you would pick up someone in the library
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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