Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
