Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
