so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
