mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
