Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
