I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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