the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
