wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
