Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
