she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
