all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
