dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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