Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
