I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
