Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize