Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
