1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
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