I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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