talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
