check it out our google latitudes are spooning
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
