so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize