just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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