He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
