We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
