I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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