So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
