he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
