You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
