1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Nicole vs. Life
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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