Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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