If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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