That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
