Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
