So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
