Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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