I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
