I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She's the barista slut.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
