Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
