I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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