you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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