dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
