Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
