How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
