so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
