Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize