After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
