Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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