Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
