I accidentally had phone sex last night
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
