i love accidental penises.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
