Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
