Swine flu is the new snow day.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
