In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
